Suck At Motherhood Just Because I Take Antidepressants

In life, I try to strike a balance between transparency and over sharing. Motherhood is a blessing and a joy but canada goose black friday sale it’s messy and scary, too. Life is messy and scary.

I don’t try to pass myself buy canada goose jacket off as a parenting expert or a front runner for mother of the year. canada goose store Puhleeze. I try to be a good mom. sometimes I succeed but like all of us, I have days where I suck at it. My kids occasionally watch too cheap canada goose uk much TV (and by occasionally I mean every week). Sometimes they sass and I have to get my husband to talk to them in his “man voice.” They hear me drop the F bomb more than I’d like and sometimes, I open wine before 5 o’clock. I suspect I’m really no different than most moms out there. maybe more willing to publicly admit my imperfections, but not different.

cheap Canada Goose I am struggling with life, parenthood, and change. I’ve always been a high stress, high anxiety person. Some of that is probably genetic and some of it has been shaped by various life experiences. cheap Canada Goose

canada goose coats on sale My anxiety went into high cheap Canada Goose gear in 2002 when I was a front seat passenger in a car accident. My ex husband was driving. We rear ended a semi truck going about 80 mph. We got out of the car just in time to see a second semi truck crash into the back end of my car. My full sized sedan turned into a shredded metal cube before my eyes. I’d probably gotten out less than 30 seconds before impact. I walked away with minor injuries broken bones but that began my journey with therapy and various lifestyle changes to help me manage my anxiety. canada goose coats on sale

canada goose store I’m anxious. Tightly wound. For the most part I’ve managed it by being self aware and living a reasonably healthy life. Running helps immensely and I have a breathing app on my phone that helps chill me out when I get too keyed up. I’m not a big fan of medication and I was always quick to say no every time my doctor suggested it. canada goose store

canada goose deals For those of the penised persuasion and those women whose time hasn’t come yet: I wouldn’t wish how I feel on my worst enemy. Well. maybe canada goose uk shop on The Donald but seriously. my canada goose clearance mood swings are kicking my ass. I have about six hot flashes a day and the best way to describe them is a body temperature spike of about 800 degrees. Okay, I know not really 800 degrees, but that’s what it fucking feels like. How anyone can be expected to act like a normal human when their brain and internal organs are boiling. well, I’m not really sure. canada goose deals

canadian goose jacket And then there are the crying jags and the rages. Sometimes I scare myself. It’s like puberty, pregnancy hormones and the very worst canada goose clearance sale case of PMS imaginable all rolled into one on steroids. For a control freak who normally keeps a close hold on her emotions, this is hard to handle. Rational me knows crying in the grocery store because they’ve moved the yogurt isn’t cool. but I’ve been feeling like I’m losing rational me. I get angry without too canada goose much of a trigger, like not being able to canada goose coats on sale find a parking space or a toy being left in the middle of the living room floor. canadian goose jacket

canada goose I hurt and I’m not really sure why. canada goose

canada goose black friday sale I’m canada goose factory sale not sure if I can blame menopause, pre disposition or adjustment problems. Blame is unnecessary. canada goose black friday sale

Canada Goose sale A couple of weeks ago, I was yelling at my kids because they couldn’t find Canada Goose Coats On Sale their shoes. We were about to go somewhere buy canada goose jacket cheap and sometimes, it’s a struggle to take them places by myself. Two 5 year old boys: need I say more? I told them to get their shoes on and they each showed up ready to board the van with one shoe on. on the wrong foot. Not their shoes. Canada Goose sale

I lost it. I yelled, I raged. After tearing apart their room, I found their missing shoes at the bottom of the laundry hamper. I let them know just how upset I was using canada goose coats a few four letter words.

canada goose coats They cried. Of course they cried. canada goose coats

canada goose clearance sale I apologized, because naturally, I felt like shit. There was no need to lose my temper uk canada goose outlet over shoes. But I did. canada goose clearance sale

Canada Goose Outlet And then the canada goose uk black friday kicker: one of my boys looked me straight in the eye as tears ran down his face. Canada Goose Outlet

“I don’t want you to be in our family canada goose uk outlet anymore, mommy. You always have a mad face.”

buy canada goose jacket cheap You could punch me in the gut a canadian goose jacket thousand times and never hurt me as badly as uk canada goose those words did. buy canada goose jacket cheap

canada goose clearance I took the meds, feeling like Canada Goose Online I was admitting defeat. It’s not a miracle drug and my body is getting used to Canada Goose Jackets it. slowly. At first I felt dull and foggy, like I was moving underwater. The mood swings are less severe because my senses aren’t as sharp. My brain is active but it’s hard to get words out. My speech is slower and I have to think really hard, to concentrate on what words I’m going to say. canada goose clearance

I’d canada goose outlet feel like a failure each time I swallowed that pill. I felt like I sucked at parenthood and life in general because I Canada Goose Parka needed medication to feel level and normal. I was ashamed and didn’t want anyone to know I was struggling. I felt deflated because I couldn’t cope.

Canada Goose Jackets Today, I feel better. Not perfect and still a little uncomfortable with the way the meds make me feel, physically. I have no expectation that drugs Canada Goose Outlet will solve my problems but for now, I am going to take them without being ashamed, without unproductive self talk such as “you’re weak and you suck at life because you’re taking anti depressants.” Canada Goose Jackets

Canada Goose Parka I’m not weak. I had the guts to help myself and I’m finding a way through this, to the place where I don’t lose my shit when my kids lose their Canada Goose sale shoes. I’ll get there. Canada Goose Parka

Canada Goose online And while I’m not mother of the year, I don’t need to be. I’m a damn good mom. I have good days and bad days. If you have more bad days than good. don’t be afraid to reach out to someone. Taking that step is hard. all of this is hard. but so, so worth it. You can find her Canada Goose online regularly on her blog, Ripped Jeans and Bifocals. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter Canada Goose online.

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